Every Step Of The Way
by youkillmypatience
Summary: Sad little angsty oneshot. Beckett's point of view. Review? :D


_So last night, Sarah (__**Castlewriter13**__) and I were reading sad and angsty fanfics and oneshots. It got me thinking… I should write one! Inspiration struck, and I wrote this down last night on my iPod before I went to bed. It's kind of similar to Sarah's oneshot, called __**Over**__. I kind of almost somewhat borrowed the idea from her fic and made it my own. :P_

_Sarah, this is for you 33_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. I think it owns me._

Every Step Of The Way

No. No. Esposito must wrong. It couldn't be Castle.

It couldn't be.

She had talked to minutes before.

Minutes.

It couldn't be him.

She took a deep breath and stepped out of her car. She forced herself to duck under the yellow tape.

Step. Step. Step.

Why was it so far? It usually didn't take that long to get to the victim.

She saw Lanie's dark blue. She saw Ryan. She saw Esposito. They all had the same sorrowful look in their eyes. Ryan blinked back a tear, and his partner put his hand on his shoulder.

No.

She took one more step and stopped.

Esposito was right.

It was Castle.

She looked at his lifeless face, his glazed eyes and she choked back a sob.

Lanie hesitated, then moved toward Beckett. The ME wrapped her arm around the detective. Beckett did nothing.

She stared into his lifeless eyes and let the tears spill down her cheeks.

She didn't care. She didn't care who saw her. She didn't care that she was sitting on the wet pavement. She didn't care that Lanie was trying to pull her back. She didn't care that she was getting blood all over herself.

She didn't care.

Her partner, her plucky sidekick was gone. Dead.

Mike's letter had finally made her own up to her feelings. She had finally realized how much she wanted him. How much she _needed_ him.

She wasn't ready to tell him. It was too soon. She wasn't ready. But she would've been soon.

She would have told him. She would have let him know. He would've figured it out.

And now he'd never know.

She grabbed his limp hand and let the tears fall.

Esposito sat down next to her and took her other hand.

He didn't say anything, he just let her cry.

She let her head rest on his shoulder and he squeezed her knee.

She wouldn't have Castle back. She never would. But at least she had her boys and Lanie.

Hours later, she found herself sitting on a couch. Castle's couch. In his loft. How did that happen?

She looked over and saw a redheaded teenager crying into her side.

Alexis.

Beckett reached over and stroked the girl's hair. Alexis looked into Beckett's face, her own puffy and red.

"Did it hurt this much when you lost your mom?" the girl asked quietly. "Will the hurt ever go away?"

"It hurt. It hurt a lot." said Beckett, her voice hoarse. "It never really goes away; you just learn to live with it. There's never a day that I don't think of her, that I don't miss her. I miss her every day. I've just learned to live with it.

Beckett remembered the day she had said something similar to the daughter of a victim. Castle had been there. He never knew it, but she found it easier to console victims when he was around. He had promised to be there always, he promised to be there every step of the way.

Well, he was wrong. He wasn't there now. He wasn't there to console his daughter. Well, if he was there, there wouldn't be anything wrong, but…

"How long?"

Beckett knew exactly was Alexis was asking.

"It takes a long time for you to get used to not having him around." said Beckett, a tear rolling down her cheek in spite of herself. She took a deep breath to steady herself. She wanted to be strong for Alexis, not crumble into a million pieces. "It'll be a long time for you to feel normal. That day will come though, believe me."

The redhead sighed. Beckett reached over and took her hand.

"It's hard, but I'll be here for you. I'll be here every step of the way." said Beckett truthfully.

"Promise?" Alexis asked.

"I promise."

And it was true. Beckett would always be there for the girl, no matter what. They'd definitely be in each other's lives for a long time.

Beckett needed to tell the girl something. Castle had said that he hadn't told anyone, not even Alexis.

The detective absentmindedly touched the chain around her neck. She felt the weight of the second ring on the necklace and bit her lip.

Yup, she'd tell Alexis. She would tell her as soon as she could.

And even though Castle was gone, Alexis and Beckett would still be family.

No matter what.

_A/N: …I dunno. I was kind of in a mood last night, and this is what came out xD_

_Anyway, __**Knockout **__officially starts in FIVE HOURS. *flails* This may be my last fanfic, cuz I'm PROBABLY going to be dead after the finale. Just sayin'._

_Review? :D_


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